


Quentin Knows Best

by Undercover_Royalty



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I basically changed-up "Mother Knows Best" to fit their relationship, I honestly don't know what to call this, I just really love Tangled ok, Manipulative Behavior, Tangled AU, i guess?, its Quentin Beck soooo, this is probably crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 14:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20116432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undercover_Royalty/pseuds/Undercover_Royalty
Summary: In which the bar scene in Far From Home goes a bit differently than it's supposed to. Since when did this become a musical?(Basically, I did this weeks ago and it had to end up somewhere, eventually).





	Quentin Knows Best

**Author's Note:**

> I truly don't know what to call this. 
> 
> Tangled is my favorite movie, and ever since I saw FFH, my brain has been making nonstop Quentin Beck and Mother Gothel parallels. A couple weeks ago, I kept the rhythm, swapped the lyrics, added a couple "stage directions" that are DEFINITELY not structurally correct and I've ended up with... this. 
> 
> If I had any sense of a writing schedule, I'd be tempted to make a full-blown AU, but Lord knows, I have no semblance of consistency on here. So, I hope someone enjoys this! I enjoyed making it, at any rate! 
> 
> As ever, thanks for reading, y'all. :)

INT: A RUN-DOWN CZECH BAR (EVENING) 

(Peter Parker and Quentin Beck sit by the bar. Quentin holds a beer, and Peter is sipping the remnants of a lemonade through an electric-blue straw. The olde rman looks sympathetic, listening to the teenager's frustrations. The music begins as he places his bottle onto the bar.) 

QUENTIN:  
You want to go and travel? Ah, Peter...!  
Look at you, you’ve been put through the gambit  
Still just seventeen, right? Still a kid!   
Tony Stark picked you to save the planet...

PETER:  
I _know_ but...

QUENTIN (indulgently):   
That's right, he picked _you_...   
(darkly, under his breath)   
..._for some reason_... 

QUENTIN (lying through his teeth):   
Still, I... somehow _sensed_ that this might happen.   
Knew if Fury asked, you’d be dead-set. But listen, you’re stressed— 

PETER:  
Sir—

QUENTIN:  
—Shh!  
Don’t forget...  
Quentin knows best.

(Peter looks like he might laugh, before he realizes that Quentin is dead-serious in his third-person narration. He adjusts his expression and listens intently as Quentin leans in, a hand on his arm.) 

QUENTIN:   
Quentin knows best  
Listen, I’m your partner.  
It can get messed up out there.

(When Peter is still contemplating this statement to himself, Quentin gestures to his team racing around orchestrating plans in the back of the bar. His gestures grow increasingly frantic through the next three lines) 

QUENTIN:   
Quentin knows best  
One way or another...

(Where his voice has always been calm up and to this point, this line is much firmer and aimed directly at the hidden crew, a hint of the madness beneath) 

QUENTIN:   
_Something_ will go wrong, I _swear_! __

_ _(As he describes the horrors to an incredulous Peter, half-formed holographic models of each scenario unfold behind them as the team panics to string something together). _ _

_ _QUENTIN (listing things out on his fingers):   
Aliens, thugs  
Gun slingers, an’ robots  
Murderers and rats  
(he gasps, theatrically)   
The plague!_ _

_ _PETER (laughing):   
No!_ _

_ _QUENTIN (lightly punching his shoulder):   
Yes!_ _

_ _PETER (actually considering the probability of that):   
But— _ _

_ _QUENTIN (waving him off):   
—You could get slugged  
Crash straight through a wall and— _ _

_ _(He scrubs at his eyes, really laying on the theatrics before the helmet snaps into place.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
—God, I can't, it'd break my heart, kid! _ _

_ _(Peter goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but is tapped by Quentin who now sits to his other side. The man continues, undeterred.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN (arms held out with a flourish):   
Hey, I’m right here!_ _

_ _(The other Mysterio flickers and vanishes, as Peter turns away. Quentin quickly anchors his hands on his shoulders so he won’t see). _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
You know I’d protect you.   
Still, this might be for the best..._ _

_ _(He flourishes the box containing the Black Dahlia necklace in one hand. Peter snatches it back, immediately opening it and sighing in relief when he finds it unharmed). _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
If I may?   
Just stay with MJ..._ _

_ _(Peter looks back to him shyly, closing the lid, and Quentin winks, encouragingly. Then, he stands.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
Quentin knows best! _ _

_ _(He snaps his fingers as the candles along the walls flare green. For musical reasons and visual appeal, Peter doesn’t notice this change). _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
Quentin knows best  
Take it from a soldier  
On your own, you won't survive_ _

_ _(Peter jumps down from the stool, indignant. Quentin almost immediately begins to “play-spar” with him, the helmet coming back on. From a side angle, a projector glow is faintly visible behind a curtain— Peter is fighting a hologram, that Quentin stands in.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN (attacks hitting with each word):   
Sloppy under stress!  
Immature, clumsy!_ _

_ _(He kicks Peter’s legs out from under him, sending him to the floor. He then grabs his hand and hauls him back up, turning away with a scoff). _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
_Ugh_, they'd eat you up, alive... _ _

_ _(Peter races after him, as if to argue his point, but Quentin disappears behind a curtain. As he goes to follow, Quentin comes flying back from the opposite curtain, behind him and catches him by surprise). _ _

_ _QUENTIN (again, attacks hitting with each word).   
Gullible, naïve!  
Embarrassingly awkward!  
Geeky and you can’t, uh, well... flirt? _ _

_ _(He twirls Peter around so that their reflections are in the darkening window, his hands locked firmly on his shoulders.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN (wincing):   
Plus, I’ll be real—  
Hope you hit a growth spurt. _ _

_ _(Peter, embarrassed, shoves himself out of Quentin's grip and stalks back to the bar, snatching the Black Dahlia box up again) _ _

_ _QUENTIN (turning after him):   
I'm just saying— hey, c’mon, kid! _ _

_ _(He rushes over in front of him, holding his arms out imploringly) _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
Pete, I understand!   
Please, just lemme help you!   
Here’s something I might suggest..._ _

_ _(When it doesn’t look like Peter is going to bolt for the door, Quentin takes another step forward. The green candles whoosh back to orange. The room is filled again with a cozy sort of glow.) _ _

_ _(Quentin tries to catch Peter’s gaze and finally succeeds. He puts a hand on his shoulder.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
Peter?_ _

_ _PETER (humiliated, clearly wanting to escape):   
...Yes?_ _

_ _QUENTIN (smiling, gently):  
You... might want to leave those glasses with me. _ _

_ _PETER (tension instantly releasing from his shoulders, a small smile):   
No problem. _ _

_ _(He fumbles in his pocket and withdraws the glasses, quickly handing them over as Quentin slides them onto his face. Peter stares at him for a moment, then abruptly shakes himself out of it). _ _

_ _QUENTIN (smiling warmly):   
You’re a real hero, Peter. _ _

_ _PETER (abashed):  
Not like you, sir. _ _

_ _QUENTIN (nodding towards the door):   
Go get your girl. _ _

_ _(Peter grins and goes racing out the door, the bell jangling loudly. He practically skips down the outside steps. Quentin watches him go. Behind him, the bar starts to vanish.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN (as his smile turns sinister):   
Full disclosure...  
Your trip’s _over_._ _

_ _(He turns as his lackeys hurry up excitedly to surround him. He looks around at all of them, and smartly pushes the glasses up on his nose.) _ _

_ _QUENTIN:   
Quentin knows best!_ _


End file.
